You know…I’ve been kicking around the thought of creating a blog for months now. It’s my first one since my last one, almost a decade ago. That one was started for stupid reasons. It was my way of attention seeking, because I was immature and dumb.
…If there’s one thing I am, it’s pretty transparent.
Well, on many things anyways. This shows my name as John Smith, which might as well be my name. What’s in a name, anyways? It’s an identifier…much like saying I’m a dude, or bald. Does what I say about anything change because my name isn’t John, it’s Kevin? Maybe one day I’ll just be called “The Inferno”…Lol, wouldn’t that be funny, like some cheesy 1980’s wrestling gimmick.
So nice to meet you, I’m John. I’m a 39 year old guy that lives in North Carolina. It’s sunny here, very hot. I hate the sunlight. With my skin complexion, if the sun hits me for longer than an hour I’m afraid I’ll incinerate. I enjoy anime, movies, and music. Nothing beats a live concert, I don’t care if it’s a well known band or some local band around some city nobody has ever heard of. I’m single…for now. I don’t know how I feel about relationships anymore. I feel like I want to be re-married (yes, also been married before), but I guess time will tell.
However, my life hasn’t always been easy. I’m not normal. I feel fundamentally different than other people. I have a family member that went to prison when I was younger, when I was around 12 or 13. Nothing has been the same for me since then. This person was very close to me, and they did some pretty screwed up things. It left chaos and destruction in every direction. I’m not saying I’m the way I am because of that by itself, but it surely didn’t help.
How am I different? I don’t connect with people. I don’t know how. I don’t have “friends”, I have mostly acquaintances. I rarely answer phone calls, conversations aggravate me. However, I can do it when I want to. Hell, I can be the life of the party when I want to. When it makes sense. I do care about people…I want the best for them. I just don’t connect with them. The exception to that rule would be my family. I would do anything for them. They are my people. I also have felt a lot of darkness before, which is why I wanted to create THIS blog. Not for some dumbass reason, some immature reason, but because I want to use my past to help people. I want to use my experience in the dark to reach people. Maybe we don’t talk about me, maybe it’s about current events…but I just want to talk about things.
It’s weird…I don’t want to connect to people…but I want to connect with…you.
Yes you. I am a firm believer that life and experiences should be shared. We are connected by the fact we are humans that live on the same planet. We are all born, created, and while we may walk very different paths, we are all just trying to make it. I understand I have an expiration date. I know that I’m probably halfway through my life, and that’s IF some externality doesn’t happen ahead of time. I don’t want to just make money, pay bills, and die. I want to GIVE BACK. I want to help someone. I want to show someone, anyone, that they are not alone. We are playing in the same darkness, the same fire, and we all want to survive it.
More on me later. I gotta have something else to talk about in the future, can’t let it all hang out here. This is just the ignition point. Now let’s sit back and watch it burn.
–The Inferno (Let’s see if we can make it stick) 🙂
Playing With Fire 
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